The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
