I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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