It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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