nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
