Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
