Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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