Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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