you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
