Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
