remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
