Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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