I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
