im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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