Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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