All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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