Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize