did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
