My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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