Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
