You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
