Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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