for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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