we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
What a dumb baby whore.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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