his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
