I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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