my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
