my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
