ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
