When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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