We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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