u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
