What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
