Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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