She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
