I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
