I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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