I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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