You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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