I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
