Please, let me fuck your mom
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Randomize
