"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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