I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
