I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
