she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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