As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
