Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
