Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
