I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
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