The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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