If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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