Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
