I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
