Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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