Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
