Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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