my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
