Is it because I queefed?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
