Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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