Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize