im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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