So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
