wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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