I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
