im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize