i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
