my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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