I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
