I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Randomize
