My hair reeks of homosexuality.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize