i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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