I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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