gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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