You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
