apparently the secret to your success is patron
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
