you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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