I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
My pussy is not your playground.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
