i jhust puked up my retainher.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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