I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
