The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
