Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
